But you do sound a tad self-flagellating. Give yourselves credit for what you are doing. Avoid zealotry at all cost. The next thing you know, you and and the son will both lose your senses of humor. Unless you’re careful, your relatives will think you’re a scold.

And worst, you’ll stop drinking forever. Jack Daniels, after all, is owned by the hegemonical $2.4 billion Brown-Forman Corporation, which recently bought another Mexican tequila company, adding to America’s capitalist intrusion into Mexican businesses blah blah blah. That’s not to mention Sam Adams’s infamous “Sex for Sam” campaign that got the hilarious Opie and Anthony kicked off the public airwaves.

I’m not opposed, mind you, to growing organic wheat in your backyard and setting up a still or brewery in the basement. Better, I say, is stop beating yourself up over Thomas the Tank Engine. Treat yourselves to a bottle of Woodford Reserve, a much better whiskey that Brown-Forman also owns. You two and your son will be all the better for it.

*Droog? Really? Like in Clockwork Orange?